Enlarging Your Soul Through Grief & Loss

Grief.  We do everything to avoid it.  We put up our shields.  We minimize.  We blame.  We rationalize, intellectualize, and deny.  We run.  And, when the hurt catches up to us or breaks through, we often turn to quick fixes: drink, drugs, sex, consumerism, self-harm, unhealthy relationships.  We grasp at anything that will help us not feel the intensity of the grief.  These quick reliefs cause us to spiral, and the more we sink down, the more feelings of shame begin to take hold.  Shame further isolates us.  And, before we know it, everything seems hopeless.

Grief and hurt, disappointment and tragedy are unavoidable on this side of eternity.  In the book of Ecclesiastes 3 we read,

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:  a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

We know that even Jesus wept (John 11:45 and Luke 19:41).  Jesus, the most human being that has ever lived, wept.  His grief revels to us that grief impacts everyone.  No one is exempt.

And yet, in Philippians 4:13 we read, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  When we embrace our new identity in Christ, we begin to deeply understand that at our core we are actually drastically more connected, courageous, and capable than we ever could have imagined.  With this new found confidence, we begin to understand that we have the strength to face our grief.  We are able to actually pay attention to our wounds, both large and small.  We are able to be still and wait, right in the ambiguous grey of not understanding why things happen.

We are never alone in our grief.  Never.  Our God is right there waiting to embrace us.  In Jude 1:21 we read, “keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life.”

There is something about grief that allows us to embrace our limits.  We recognize our limits and the limits of those around us.  Each of us has limits, on this side of eternity.  And, as we further and further embrace this truth, we begin climbing the ladder of humility.

In other words, by facing our grief, we become more like Jesus.  The Apostle Paul writes, “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Romans 5)